When the world comes down
by xEdwardsGoldsworthyx
Summary: Eli and Clare never got along,but after the biggest tragedy of their lives brings them together will they find hope and comfort in each other?
1. Then and Now

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi (but how awesome would I be if I did)**

**A/N: This story was based on a dream I had not so long, I have a pretty good idea to where this story is going. I'm really excited because the idea seems a bit original and I had a lot of fun writing this first chapter. Like always reviews are always appreciated.**

If you ever had something truly bad happen to you, you realize your life becomes all about _Then _ and _Now. _I'm not talking about some my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me-so-I-want-to-die kind of thing; I'm talking about something that hurts so much that makes you lose the will to live. I remember the day when it ended or in another way when it started.

"Clare, go tell your sister it's time to leave, the Goldsworthy's are waiting for us" my mom yelled from downstairs. I groaned and got myself out of bed, I changed into some skinny jeans- that I got to admit it made my ass look fantastic- and a sweatshirt. I wasn't excited to have dinner at my neighbor's house, don't get me wrong CeeCee and Bullfrog are awesome people, it's just their son Eli. We've lived next door to them for as long as I can remember but for some reason Eli has always been cold with me. He never talked to me at school even though we had English together and when our families got together he would never even glance at me, but I guess that's what happens when you live in opposite worlds. Eli's world is all about popularity, drugs and sex, he thinks just because he hangs out with "the bad-ass crew" he's all hot and stuff. I on the other hand live in a world that's just about trying to get through my life in High School, I've never been the popular girl that every guy wants, in fact I've only had one boyfriend but I don't want to get into that right now.

I decided to get Eli Goldsworthy out of my mind and headed towards my sister's room. I knocked on it and yelled "Darcy it's time to leave". I heard her giggle and I slowly opened the door. Darcy was laying down on her bed talking on the phone with who I assume was her boyfriend Peter. She was too busy talking to him that she completely ignored me. I reached for a pillow that was on the floor and threw it at her.

"Ouch, Clare what the hell" she said

"Oppsies " I smiled "Mom wants us ready to leave"

"Ughh, I don't want to go, can't we stay?" she whined

"Come on Darcy"

"You just want to go 'cause you want to see your dark mysterious boyfriend" she teased. Darcy would always make fun of me saying I liked Eli, apparently since he was a "bad-boy" and I was a "goodie-goodie" we would be the perfect romantic movie couple. I just rolled my eyes and walked out of her room.

Soon we were all changed and heading out the door. Once we got to the Goldsworthy's residence CeeCee and Bullfrog immediately greeted us with smiles and hugs.

"Clare you look lovely tonight" CeeCee said.

"Thanks CeeCee, you always look fabulous" I saw the small hint of a blush spread across her cheeks, and that made me smile a little. CeeCee and Bullfrog had the spirits of teenagers, they were crazy as hell but they were made for each other.

"Elijah! get your but downstairs" Bullfrog yelled

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "What did I say about you calling me Elijah" said Eli his tone of voice sounded obviously annoyed.

Bullfrog playfully slapped the back of his head "Don't give me attitude you little brat"

Eli just rolled his eyes and said "Hi" to everyone except for me. _Of course. _

We all made our way to the table except for Eli who stayed in the living room texting someone. When he got to the table, he swept a chunk of that hair behind one ear and glanced at me, at Darcy, then at my parents, with big, bright eyes that never matched the rest of him, especially now. He seemed confused, like he'd forgotten why our family was here, in his house, interrupting his nightly listening-to-my-iPod-and-surfing-online-porn session.

I survived dinner by forgetting he was there, which was surprisingly easy to do because he just ate quietly. After dinner, I was helping my mom do dishes as CeeCee put away the leftovers, and I saw an opportunity to get out of there.

"Hey, mom?" I asked. "After we're done, can I skip dessert and just go home? I was working on this book report Ms. Dawes assigned us"

She just paused. "I think CeeCee has spent a lot of time making her famous chocolate cake."

"Me?" squeaked CeeCee, surprised. "Helen, I thought you were making it!"

They looked at each other for a very tense moment, and I actually thought some kind of fistfight might break out. But then they were laughing. I sighed in relief.

We walked back to the dining room and informed everyone about our dessert mix-up.

"Let's just go to The-Dot and get a milkshake or something" Said Darcy sounding concern but I knew she just wanted an excuse to go see Peter.

"That actually doesn't sound bad" said Bullfrog.

"Well Clare's just gonna head back, she has homework to do" my mom informed my dad.

"That's all right, I'll bring you something Clare-bear" he said and I cringed at the nickname.

"Actually mom" spoke Eli out of nowhere "I'm going to skip dessert too, I want to head over to Julia's" I rolled my eyes as he mention his girlfriend. I don't hate anyone but, the feelings I have towards Julia are really close to hate. She was such a bitch not just to me but to everyone. I've seen the way she acts at school, always flirting with other guys in front of Eli just to get a reaction out of him. I don't know how anyone could be with someone like that but then again I didn't know anything about Eli Goldsworthy.

"All right, have fun baby boy just don't be home too late and behave" said his mother. she turned to my parents and continued "Since it's only the five of us why don't we all just go in our new SUV"

Everyone nodded and made their way towards the car. I waved Good-bye and walked back to my house. My phone rang about an hour later.

"Hey there sexy lady"

"Hey Alli" I giggled at her comment

"How was dinner with Dr. Doom?" she asked

"Ughh, awkward , he didn't even say a word to me the entire time I was there"

"He's such a freak"

I know," I said, getting up. "It's like, once he decided to hang out with the bad-ass wannabes, they gave him an instruction manual. Rule one; be grumpy and brooding at all times."

"Rule two" continued Alli "Not getting high once a day it's a sin, they're such a fraud"

"Hey you're the one that had a crush on him"

"A million years ago, when Eli Goldsworthy actually qualified as a human being, and before he started going out with Satan" I laughed at the nickname Alli gave Julia. "I swear she's such a whore, I saw her making out with Owen not too long ago behind the GYM"

"Ouch" I truly felt bad for Eli, in his weird way I could tell he actually care about Julia.

We spent the next 30 minutes talking about everything and anything. Then I heard something in front of the house.

"Alli, hang on" i said getting up the couch "I think there's someone at the door"

We sat silent for a few seconds, and I could hear my breathing sync up with hers on the other end of the line. There it was again, two short knocks.

"I'm walking you into the living room," I said to Alli, shifting the phone to my other ear. "If it's an ax murderer, you'll hear the whole thing."

"Ooo ax murderer sounds fun" she said and we both giggled.

I opened the door and saw Officer Turner, Alli's boyfriend's father. Even though I said it as a joke part of me was glad I wasn't going to die tonight. But the sad Expression on Officer Turners face told me otherwise.

There weren't many details about the accident for Officer Turner to explain to me. He was trying to hide it but I could see tears rolling down his eyes, this was a small town everybody knew each other and every time someone died it seemed to bring every one down.

Things were said and things were asked, and suddenly I was sitting cross legged on the living room floor, pushed down there by the weight of new information.

My mother, father, and someone they assumed was my sister had been pronounced dead on arrival at the Memorial Hospital.

So had CeeCee. Bullfrog was in the emergency room, not dead on arrival but pretty messed up. Somehow, the new SUV had gone off the road, tumbled into a steep ditch, and caught fire. They didn't know how, and they didn't know why. They just knew it happened I guess life is like that sometimes.

Everything around me was spinning and I suddenly forgot how to feel, how to swallow, how to think. Everything just went numb. It felt like a dream a really horrible dream. I couldn't move, Officer Turner told me that he had contacted my Aunt Elena and that she was on her way. She was the only family I had left. I looked out the window and saw another officer outside of Eli's house talking to him, he was crying, hands pulling his hair and screaming why. He sat on the front steps and buried his face on his knees. The Officer tried talking to him but he just kept screaming "Go away you fucking liar". For the first time in years I didn't see a thug wannabe , I saw a normal boy who had just lost everything that mattered to him.

How do I get out? Can I take one big step and be on the other side of it? Maybe if I say something, anything, the whole thing will just go away.

Stupid thinking.

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	2. An ordinary Day

** Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi**

** A/N: Sorry this took so long it's been a really hard semester at school and I've been trying to make it better. I promise I will catch up on my writing and try to update sooner. Another thing; there's a new teennick promo about Eclare and the only thing I have to say about it is to stay strong my dear Eclarians! Eli and Clare have been through A LOT and I don't think things will fall apart just because Eli read Clare's diary. If you need anyone to talk to or to rant about these things I'm always here for you **

** Twitter: KosterDani**

** Tumblr: i-wil-forever-be-infinite **

**Chapter 2: **An ordinary day.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost, but now I'm found was blind but now I see._

The day your life changes feels just like any other day, you wake up, do everyday day thing and when you least except it _BANG_ ,everything changes in a split second.

Pretty much everyone came to the funeral, which has held in a beautiful day, the air smelled fresh and sweet, and the slight breeze was the kind that tickled you a little. The whole neighborhood showed up; Relatives I haven't seen in years, my parents friends from college, almost every student at Degrassi (some supporting me , some just showed up for Darcy) plus dozens of people I didn't know or didn't bother to remember their names.

Aunt Elena and I sat up front where nobody could see you, we weren't really in the mood to talk to anyone about our problems. Father Greg gave a sermon and I know I was supposed to listen, nod, and cry like everybody else but I was too busy writing a letter in my head:

_Dear Mom, Dad and Darcy;_

_There are a lot of people here today, I take that as a good thing. Doesn't everyone always wonder who would come to their funeral if they died? If you're watching,( I like to think you are) there a few things about the funeral I want to tell you ._

_Mom everyone from your book club is here, your best friend Rose Mary read a beautiful poem that she wrote herself, it sounded really good._

_Dad, the guys from your office made a wonderful memorial for you, they are all being really nice to me and if you could see all the wonderful friends you have you would be very happy._

_Darce, you're not going to believe this, a lot of people from Degrassi came, I mean I guess that's pretty obvious since you were one of the most popular girls there, Some of the girls from the power squad said a few words about you. They called you beautiful, caring, and wait for it, "a power squad legend". Peter has been really sad, he really loved you I just thought you should know. He called you the most beautiful girl that ever walked on this planet. It made me wonder if I'm ever going to find love like that, and I hope one day I will_

_Overall everything is beautiful, I just thought you should know that while you were here, you were loved and you will always be._

_Love,_

_Clare_

At the burial Aunt Elena, Peter and I sprinkled dirt into the graves with our shaky hands. They offered me a shovel but I said no. It didn't feel right; it would feel like I was the one putting them 6 feet deep.

That's when I saw Eli.

He was hanging back, hovering near someone's headstone, wearing a black blazer over a black T-shirt and black jeans. Everyone kept turning around to look at him and whisper. Almost gawking, like some rock star had made an appearance at my family's funeral. But he didn't look back them, he just stared at the three caskets intently and ignored everyone that was alive.

Earlier I heard someone say that they were leaving the tent up but just moving it a bit downhill, since CeeCee's funeral was the next day.

When it was time to leave I glanced over where Eli was standing but, he was gone.

Bullfrog was in a coma, he was in ICU and the hospital made an exception by letting Eli stay in an empty room to stay near his father. I truly felt bad for him he had no one. CeeCee's parents both died not too long ago and she was an only child. Bullfrog ran away from home when he was 16 and never bothered to go back, he hadn't heard from any family member since then. Eli had lost _everyone_.

At least I had my Aunt Elena to take care of me. She was she was 26 and my father's youngest sister, single with no kids. She agreed to move in with me and to take of me so I wouldn't have to deal with the whole changing schools and moving to another city problem, she wanted my life to be as normal as possible. I really loved her; she was the typical cool aunt that always had stories about her crazy teenage years that were filled with rebellion, alcohol and drugs. When I was younger I used to tell my father I wanted to be just like her when I grew up but, the only thing he said was "_oh no you don't, I won't allow it"._

Were at the reception back at my house, Alli and I sat next to each other on my couch, listening to the adult conversations. Alli has been really supportive the last few days I honestly don't think I would've been able to survive all of this without her by my side. A lot of people came up to me and all of them said the same thing "Sorry about what happened" and " I can't imagine what this is like for you" or "stay strong kiddo" I know I should be grateful for having that many people care about "my emotional health" but in reality I was feeling a little annoyed. Alli and I overheard a conversation that was going on in the room next to us.

"So no one knows what happened" a woman asked.

"No, I don't think so" another woman replied

"What do you think?"

"I have a feeling it was Bullfrog, I think he had a little too much to drink at the dinner. Don't you remember the Christmas party?"

"Yeah I do, CeeCee practically begged him to let her drive back home"

I thought of Bullfrog, his fingers wrapped around a glass of red wine, him driving the car that cause my family's death. I wanted to punch the wall next to me. First, because he might have been drunk while driving the car. Second, because those stupid woman had nothing better to do at my parent's funeral other than gossip about a man that was in a coma.

I convinced my Aunt Elena to drive me to CeeCee's funeral, she was hesitant at first saying that going to two funerals in a row would be overwhelming but, it just felt right considering Eli had come to ours even if he didn't say a word to anyone, maybe I should do the same.

Not as many people showed up, and I was thankful that our funeral was first because as much as I'm going to regret saying this _ours_ was better. I tried to look around for a familiar face but I saw none. I was surprised to not see Julia here, she _was_ Eli's girlfriend and she has been for a while now and, she couldn't even show up to his mother's funeral? But what can I expect from Satan.

Eli was stating in the front row with a man's arm wrapped around his shoulder. He was looking at the ground and even though I was somewhat far away from him I could see he was crying. He looked up and looked around scanning the faces of everyone in the room. Soon enough those eyes landed on mine. His bright green eyes staring directly into my blue ones. I gave a sympathetic look as he nodded in acknowledgement. He's eyes soon left mine and looked back the front. That was it but, it felt like enough.

It's been a week since the funeral and two weeks since my family feel apart. I've been writing a lot, the grief therapist my aunt has forced me to go to said it would be a good idea to let everything out in a "healthy way". I didn't understand why I had to see her; I was perfectly fine well as fine as a person in my situation could be. I've spent the last few days repeating the conversation I heard at my house over and over again. Those women were blaming Bullfrog for everything at first part of me blamed him too but after a while I shook those thoughts off.

I decided to go to the hospital to see how he was doing. After getting lost about three times I finally found the room I the nurse told me belonged to him. I looked out him through the glass doors. He was asleep and hooked to a bunch of machines. I've seen a lot of medical television shows but this looked different, I knew he was in a coma but he looked really pale, almost _dead_.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned around frightened. And there was Eli Goldsworthy standing in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked

"I was just… uhmm…."

He rolled his eyes "Spit it out Edwards" his tone sounded annoyed.

Did he have to be an ass at all times? I scoffed and looked back at Bullfrog.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a dick" he took another look at his father "It's just being here kinda puts me in a bad mood"

"I understand" I said simply "I just wanted to see how he was doing, don't worry I was on my way out" I turned around and started to walk away from him.

"Clare wait" he said as he walked fast towards me " I was on my way to the cafeteria to get something to eat, wanna join me?"

I looked at him in confusion. Eli and I literally haven't spoken in years, and the only reason we were about to have a conversation was because of a tragedy. It surprised me that he was the one inviting me because after all these years I thought he hated me.

"Sure"

I knew Eli had been staying here because of his father but, as we arrived to the cafeteria I wondered how he had been able to eat hospital food for so long. It looked really disgusting, he got a plate that had something that looked like dog food but the cafeteria told him it was chicken in BBQ sauce. He asked me if I wanted something and I politely refused. It didn't matter how hungry I was I wasn't going to put any of that in my mouth.

We found a table and we sat there quietly. I saw Eli devour his food rarely fast, once in a while he would look up at me as if he were expecting for me to say something. Of course I didn't , I didn't know what to talk about. What was I supposed to say? _ Hey Eli, both our parents are dead or halfway dead, let's bond_

"Thanks for coming to my mother's funeral" he said

"I felt like I needed to be there"

"It was nice seeing you there and, I'm sorry about leaving right after your parent's funeral it's just" he stopped and took a deep breath "people talk and say things about me, and my family"

I knew he was talking about how everyone was blaming Bullfrog for the accident. Now I completely understood why he left the way he did, if it were me I would've done the same thing. It must suck to hear the bitter women of town whisper about you or your family especially when they were in a bad shape just like Bullfrog was.

"How've you been?" I asked trying to sound as casual as possible

He let out a small sigh "Okay I guess, I've been spending all my time here. I just keep waiting for him to wake up but, he just won't"

"I'm sure he will"

"How about you?" he asked

"It's hard, everywhere I go reminds me of them, the only good thing I have is my aunt she's been so helpful. I'm glad she's the one taking care of me"

"I'm sorry about your family"

"Me too"

An awkward silence filled the room again. I was nervous, talking to Eli made me nervous, but why?

"Do you think it will ever go away?" he asked

"What are you talking about?"

"The pain"

"No" I said honestly "But I think it will get easier with time"

He sighed again, got up and threw the trash away.

"I should go back to him" he said as he buried his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go back home before my aunt freaks out, I didn't tell her I was coming"

He chuckled "Saint Clare breaking the rules"

"What do you mean by that?" I asked

He chuckled again. was he trying to purposely annoy me?

"Nothing"

I sighed "See you around?"

"Guess you will"


	3. This is going to be intereating

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi**

_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,_

_"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,_

_I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"_

_Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes_

_Like they have any right at all to criticize,_

_hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason_

**-Breath (2 am) Anna Nalick**

_I was standing in the middle of the highway, laying down on the cold pavement wondering why I was there. Looking up at the stars I realized that the sun was about to go down and I could see some starts making their way to the cold of the night. I saw a pair of headlights approaching me and I slowly stood up, I didn't move, I was expecting the car to hit but instead it flipped over to the side of the highway. I ran towards the broken vehicle as fast as I could._

_When I got there all I could see was my mother's head smashed against the window CeeCee's body going through the windshield, Bullfrog was coughing blood and I could see a bone sticking out from his leg. Dad wasn't moving at all, I couldn't see any visible damage but he just wasn't moving. Suddenly I hear a scream, a scream that send chills down my spine because it sounded terrifying , I realized it was Darcy I walked over and I saw her broken body trying to get out of the car. I tried to help her but she looked at the ground at shook her head no. Soon enough she stopped moving I ran over to her and flipped her over so she was facing me. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't breathing_

_She rapidly opened her eyes "You were supposed to die with us"_

I woke up screaming, sweat and tears running down my face. Another nightmare, this one seemed to scare me more than the others because Darcy said what I've been thinking about for weeks. Every day I wake up and wonder why I'm still alive, I feel empty, lonely and nothing makes sense anymore, if I had died with them I wouldn't have to feel this pain, everything would just be _gone_.

I decided to sneak out of my house to take a night walk. I needed to clear my head get all those negative thought out of my mind. I felt relieved the moment the cold air hit my skin. The neighborhood was silent; everyone was asleep considering it was about 2am.

I found myself standing in front of the Goldsworthy residence, Eli's hearse was parked in front of the house, which was strange because he was supposed to be at the hospital with his father. I've been inside of that car once, when my parent's car broke down and Eli's mom forced him to give me a ride to school, the smell of that car was the most disgusting thing that ever filled my nostrils, it was a the combination of cigarettes, alcohol and Julia's cheap perfume. I hated that car.

"Are you stalking me?"

I turned around and found Eli with a cigar rete in his hand, it was dark but I could clearly see his hair was a mess and that he had bags under his eyes. He was standing at a respectable distance and I could still smell the alcohol in his breath. Leave it to Eli Goldsworthy to get drunk at 2am instead of being in the hospital with his father.

"You're drunk" I said simply

"And your point is?" he asked coldly

Even with alcohol in his system he was an asshole. I really don't know why Eli has always been this way with me. I don't want to sound conceited or anything but I've always thought of myself as a nice person. I've tried being friendly with him but it feels like he's purposely trying to make me hate his guts. And if that's the case he's doing a fantastic job.

I remembered the time when Darcy came home extremely drunk and the next day she didn't have recollection of what happened the night before, so I thought I might as well give Eli a piece of my mind while there's a slight chance he won't remember tomorrow.

_Here goes nothing._

"Do you need to be an asshole at all times?!" I practically yelled

Eli took a step back, he was surprised at my sudden outburst given the fact that I was always quiet or shy around him "Excuse me?" he said

"Why are you so horrible to me? What did I ever do to you?"

He scoffed and gave me one of his annoying smirks "Everything is always about you isn't Clare?"

I could feel my blood boiling, he was so smug , just a while back we were having a normal conversation and now he was back to the dick he's been since the day I met him.

"No, the whole world revolves around Eli Goldsworthy. For some reason you think you're better than everyone when in reality you're not. You t try to act like a tough guy, making other people feel like crap just so you can get accepted by people nobody likes! , you're just like everyone else and the fact that you think you're not it's truly pathetic" Okay maybe that sounded a lot harsher than I wanted , but I was just so mad at him. Not just at him but at everything and I feel like I let all my anger out on him.

"Who do you think you are, judging me and what I do? Not everyone can be perfect like you Saint Clare" he yelled back.

"I never said I was perfect"

"Oh, but you are" he said sarcastically "Everyone is always talking about how good you are. Clare is so sweet, Clare is so smart. I'm sorry to disappoint you princess ,but you don't know anything about me, or what I've been through. I just lost my mother!"

"And I lost my whole family!" his eyes widen with my words, as if he just remembered that my family was killed in the same car accident.

"I don't need this" he spat as he walked inside his house.

I clenched my fist and let out a loud scream, so loud I thought I would wake up the whole neighborhood. I hate Eli Goldsworthy, I really do.

.

.

.

"You really don't have to do this Clare" said my aunt "It's okay to stay home a bit longer, you have nothing to prove"

"No, I need to go to school, I need a distraction" I said "Being home all day is driving me insane"

I could see a look of concern in her eyes, but she knew she couldn't stop me. She sighed in defeat and said "Alright. But if you need anything just call me"

"Thanks" I said. I hugged her and thanked her for supporting me, we said good-bye and I made my way out the door.

The walk to Degrassi was peaceful and gave me a lot of time to re-think my actions. Was I really ready to go back? I mean it's only been a few weeks since the accident, what if I have some sort of meltdown in the middle of the hallway. What if people treat me different? Well it was too late to back down now. The minute I stepped on the school's property people started looking at me like and whispering. A lot of people that I've never talked to before came to me patting my back and giving me sympathetic looks. I was glad when I found Alli by her locker.

"Hey"

"Clare you're back! You have no idea how much I've missed you"

"What? Did you not spend all your time Dave?" I teased. Alli frowned and looked at the ground, she looked miserable as soon as her boyfriend's name escaped from my lips. "Is everything okay between you two?"

"A story for another day Clare-bear, right now I just want to enjoy that my best friend is back at Degrassi" I gave her a look of concern but she just shook her hear "Everything's fine"

We walked towards our class as I tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone. The looks and whispers were getting worse, I knew they weren't saying anything mean about me, but I didn't want anyone's pity. I asked Alli if we could go outside to get some fresh air. We passed by the garden and that's when I saw _him._

"What is he doing here?" I whined

"Eli?" she looked at the group of four boys and a girl "He's been back for two days now. His dad woke up a couple days ago or at least that's what I heard"

I remembered the fight I had with Eli not so long ago, I had no idea his father had woken up from the coma. I wanted to visit him at the hospital but I didn't want to bump into Eli, I kind of felt bad not seeing Bullfrog just because his son and I had problems.

Eli looked up, our eyes locking. It felt like everything around me was gone and it was just me and him. Soon enough he took his eyes from mine and wrapped his arm around his girlfriend whispering something in her ear, she did a stupid girly giggle and grabbed him by the neck forcing her lips on his. I felt my blood boil from anger but I didn't know why. Maybe it was because Julia was such a whore and a horrible girlfriend I mean she didn't even show up to CeeCee's funeral. Even though Eli was a heartless asshole he _still_ deserved better.

_Why do you care?_ I asked myself. I shook off all the Eli thoughts and walked back into the school. The first few classes were a little hard, mostly because I missed a lot of school and I was completely lost in class. Who would've guessed that Clare Edwards would fall behind on her classes? If my mother saw how down my grades went in just a couple weeks she would slap me in the back of my head. School was about to end, I was on my way to my last class, English. I loved English, in fact it was my favorite subject, you know aspiring journalist and all, but the thought of seeing Eli Goldsworthy's face one more time ruined my day. Him and his stupid smirk with those stupid eyes that feel like daggers. The worst part was that I had to sit behind him, but at least I had my good friend Adam in this class as well.

"Okay class, this semester we're doing a lot of creative writing. I will assign each one of you a partner and you will edit each other's work. At the end of the semester you and your partner are going to write a 12 page essay about something you have in common" said Ms. Dawes

I looked over at Adam hoping he would get to be my partner.

"Adam Torres and Hailey Peterson" she called

_Damn it_

"Bianca DeSousa and Mo Moshkur"

_Please don't let it be him_

"Katie Matlin and Imogen Moreno"

_Please anyone but him._

"Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy"

"No!" I yelled involuntarily. I covered my mouth immediately, everyone's eyes on me.

"What, got a problem with me Edwards?" Eli asked sounding annoyed and hurt.

"Clare is everything okay?" Ms. Dawes asked concerned.

_No, nothing's okay. I was planning on never talking to Eli Goldsworthy again but now I'm going to have to because he's my stupid English partner._

I shook my head "Yes, I'm fine. I was just surprised I guess"

"Well I hope so because if you and Eli work together I'm sure you can create amazing literature. We've got a very special partnership on our hands people. Like Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes"

"Sylvia Plath killed herself" I snapped back

The bell rang and everyone started packing their stuff ready to leave school. When I was about to leave I felt someone grab my hand and turned me around. Eli was standing surprisingly close to me his eyes on mine and my lips. He smirked and said "Well this going to be interesting" he let go of me and walked away to meet up with his crew and his girlfriend.

He was right. This semester was going to be _really_ interesting


	4. Partner

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi **

**A/N: Well it's been a while but as some of you know I was going through some technical difficulties. But now I'm back! So here's a new chapter for when the world comes down.**

_I never knew _

_That everything was falling through_

_That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue_

_To turn and run _

_When all I needed was the truth_

_But that's how it's got to be_

_It's coming down to nothing more than apathy_

_Over my head _, The Fray

Coming back to school turned out to be harder than I thought, It's hard to concentrate on my classes, the pity looks from people seem to be getting worse, and having to walk down by the memorial the school did for my sister twice a day feels like a slap to the face. I've been trying to avoid almost everyone including Alli, not because I'm mad at her but because most days I just want to be left alone. I feel like I'm changing too much, the things I used to love just seem stupid and childish now, I feel like most of my friends are getting annoyed by my new attitude and they just stick around because they feel bad leaving me in a time of need. Sometimes I wished life was less complicated so I could go back from being the person I used to be.

Ms. Oh was giving some lecture about how thanks to the new technology my generation was going to chance the world. Everyone looked really interested but all I wanted to do was to get out of there, the walls were closing up on me and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like an answer to my prayers, Ms. Oh got a phone call from the counselor's office asking for me. Without wasting anytime I gathered my stuff and practically ran out the room.

When I walked into the counselor's office she greeted me with a smile and asked to sit down on the empty chair, my eyes widen when I saw Eli sitting on the chair next to mine. I look at him in a questioning look but he shrugged. We both looked at the counselor waiting for her to tell us what was going on.

"I'm sure you both would like to know why you're here" she said

"No shit" snapped Eli. I simply rolled my eyes at his bad attitude, I wasn't thrilled to be there either, but I wasn't going to give an attitude.

"I know it must be hard for both of you, you both lost people you cared about. The school is somewhat concerned about you, neither of you took enough time off from school specially you Eli, I want to make sure you guys handle your situation in a healthy manner"

I didn't know how to respond, I knew I came back to school way too soon but I wasn't going to give anyone the satisfaction of proving me wrong. I merely shrugged and looked over at Eli. He looked furious, he clinched his fist and looked at the counselor, if looks could kill she would be dead by now. I couldn't understand why Eli was reacting like this, yeah this wasn't my favorite thing but the woman was just doing her job. But then again I never knew what that boy was thinking.

"Eli are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes, can't you tell I'm fucking wonderful" he said sardonically

"I know this is hard, but you don't have to act out like this I-"

Eli cut her off with a cold laugh "No, you don't. You don't know anything. I'm not going to be one of projects" he scoffed and stormed out of the room without saying another world.

A smart person would've stayed with the counselor and continue the session, a smart person wouldn't care about Eli Goldsworthy, a smart person would've ignored what just happened. But guess what? I'm not a smart person. I rushed after him, leaving the office almost as fast as he did, I went out to the hallway looking for him and sighed when I didn't see him. Where is he? I started thinking about where he could be, I highly doubt he went to back to class. Then I asked myself an even more important question; why do I care? Eli has always been an ass to me, _always_. The only civil conversation we ever had it was that day at the hospital, so why am I worried about him and looking for him. I couldn't answer my questions I didn't know why, I just knew I did. I thought of one place where he could be. Soon enough I found myself outside on the Degrassi parking lot.  
Just like I expected I saw Eli on the hood of Morty smoking a cigarrete. He was looking straight ahead at nothing in particular, I could tell he had been crying. I knew that if I tried to talk to him he would tell me off so, I walked closer to him and it wasn't until I joined him on the hood of the car that he noticed me. He briefly turned his head towards me and with no emotion and looked away again. I had no idea what was going on but I took it as a good sign when Eli didn't tell to go away. We stayed in silence for a while and I caught myself staring at him, he had a very nice profile, his jawline made him look so ….. _hot_, his eyes were as bright as a gem and his beautiful black locks seemed to fit him perfectly. He took a glance at me and let out a small chuckle.

"You should stop doing that" he said

"What are you talking about?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what he meant.

"Looking at me like you want to jump my bones or something"

"Ha" I faked laughed "You wish" I stuck my tongue out at him causing him to laugh, he always had a stupid smirk plastered on his face but for the first time in a _long_ time I heard him laugh, and it was beautiful.

"What are you doing Clare?" he laid back completely and gesture for me to do the same "Why are you here?"

I did what he asked and responded "I don't know"

"So, you just decided to come after me for no reason at all"

"Pretty much"

He laughed again "Well, I do have that effect on the ladies"

"Are you always this smug?" I asked

"Oh Absolutely "

We both laughed and I turned my head so I was looking at him, he was looking up at the sky, I was thankful that the car was parked far away from the school and under a big tree, this way no one could see us. I stared at him _again_, he looked like a decent guy, his eyes were filled with passion and kindness, but somehow he managed to act a completely different way and I was trying understand why someone would do that.

"Look I'm sorry for the way I acted the other night, I was drunk and acted like a dick, I didn't meant to go off on you like that"

"You keep apologizing for being a _dick_, you know what would be a better idea?" I looked at him and he gave raised his eyebrows in question "Stop being a dick"

He laughed again, I could never get tired of that laugh "I'll try my best, we are English partners and whatnot"

I looked up at the sky and this time I found _him_ staring at me, pretty much the same way I was at him. A small shade of red covered my cheeks.

"So what happened in there?" I asked

He groaned and I wondered if I crossed the line with the question. "I just …" he stopped for a second as if he were questioning himself weather he should tell me or not. "I hate when people say the whole 'I know how you feel' thing because they don't. They think they do but they're wrong, they don't know what is like to have the people you love slip away and not being able to do a damn thing about it, they don't know what is like to have a hole in your heart where those people used to be. They think life is a wonderful thing that bad things are just 'bumps on the road' but they're just plain stupid and naïve"

"You're right" I said "They are stupid and naïve, they have no idea what it feels like to be broken, to have everything around you remind you of what you've lost or how much it hurts to think about _what if_. But I do" he turned his head, hos bright eyes meeting mine "I understand how hard it is for you, maybe not exactly but I think I have a pretty good idea so if you ever need to talk I'm here"

"Thanks Clare" I could tell he was being sincere, I would have never imagined that Eli Goldsworthy was able to show sincerity but there he is proving me wrong. "You are being surprisingly nice to me. You know considering how I've ignored you pretty much my whole life"

I hoped off the car and tried to fix my shirt. He was right, I didn't know why I was being so nice to him, he is Eli after all, the guy that I've lived next to pretty much my entire life and never had the decency to talk to me, the guy that hung out with the most annoying people I've ever meet, and the guy that was stupid enough to go out with the world's biggest whore. But there was more to him, behind the sarcasm and the smart-ass attitude I could see there was a great person inside of him, and I don't want to stop until I saw it.

"Yeah well, I'm a wonderful person. You'll have time to see that for yourself _partner_"

The bell rang, I waved goodbye to Eli and made my way inside the school. The first thing I see is Alli grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to her. "So, how was your morning?" she asked

"Oh nothing new" I lied.

**Thank you guys so much for your patience, I swear my life is back to normal and I'm going to be able to update way sooner. Now let's talk Degrassi. Bittersweet Symphony was not what I expected, I expected to end it in tears and having an emotional breakdown. The episode overall was really cute, with the Eclare and The Camaya sleep over, what really freaked me out was the end, and the promo for next week's episode. NOW THAT made me freak out, scream, cry and have an emotional melt down. I want part 2 but I don't want part 2 you feel me?. I don't want anything bad happening to any of my babies because I love every single one of them. I also saw the sneak peek for BSS part 2 and I just have two things to say ECLARE SEX! They finally had "the talk" I just hope the writer didn't get my hopes up for nothing.**

**Well tell me what you think. **

**Reviews? Please ^_^**


	5. Evolution

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi**

Evolution. It happens all around us, sometimes you see it sometimes you don't. The point is everything changes whether it is for the better or the worst. Strangers become friends, friends become enemies, and enemies become lovers. It doesn't make sense really and I don't want to say that it's the same for everyone but I find it intriguing how it all comes to be.

"I'm telling you it makes no sense. Why would she risk everything she had for some stupid impulsive boy that could change his mind at the last minute" I argued.

Eli and I were currently on my backyard working on the assignment Ms. Dawes assigned us. We had to make two separate essays about our opinion on the tragic love story of Romeo and Juliet explaining each other's point of view and why we did/did not agreed with them. I read the play back when I was in middle school after my sister Darcy wouldn't shut up about how beautiful it was. I never really got it, for me it was just a story about two stupid teenagers that made impulsive irrational decisions. Eli on the other hand was completely in love with this story and arguing just like my sister.

"You don't get it, they loved each other. Juliet knew it, that's why she had so much fate in Romeo. Their only problem was lack of communication"

"I still find it stupid, giving everything up for someone you just met"

"They weren't stupid, they were in love"  
"Same thing"

I stood up and walked towards the small swing set that had been in the back yard ever since I was a little girl. I remember me and Darcy would always fight for the right swing, I don't exactly know why considering it was identical to the other one but for some reason we both always wanted that specific swing. Sitting on it without fighting her for it felt weird and every time I did it only reminded me that she was really gone. Sometimes I just in front of the door and wait for my parents and her to walk inside and tell me that everything is going to be okay. I feel like one day they are just going to come back because it feels unnatural knowing that I won't ever get to see them again.

I slowly started swinging and when I looked to my right I saw Eli making his way to the other swing carefully sitting on it looking at me the whole time as if asking for permission. Once I nodded he sat down completely and mimicked the same movements as me. This reminded me of when we were younger and he would come over, we would always swing in sync as we waited for our parents to hurry up doing whatever they were doing. Even though Eli and I were never really close it was nice to have memories like that with him.

"Sometimes you just have to trust the person you love, it may seem irrational and stupid –as you put it- but when you love someone you can give them all you have and only expect them to do the right thing"

I turned to face him only to find him already looking at me. His sincerity was shining right through his green eyes and I knew he truly believed in what he just said. He believed in love, he believed that love was one of the most fantastic things in the world. That's when Julia popped on my mind, she didn't love him, not even a little bit, but somehow he was still with her and I find it hard to believe how someone that believes in something so strongly can settle for so little. Was he in love with her? I know they've been dating for a long time but after everything Julia has done to him could he really love her, or think about her the way he said Romeo thought about Juliet? It just doesn't make sense to me.

"So little Edwards. Have you ever been in love?"

His question took me aback completely not only because it was completely random and personal but because I didn't know. I dated K.C for a while back in grade 9 I liked him, _a lot_, -you know before the whole him cheating on me and getting a girl pregnant thing- but I didn't _love_ him. Then there was Jake Martin, he was part of the "group" of Eli's friends. Before he got involved with them, he and I used to spend a lot of time together and I had a _major_ crush on him. We made out a couple of times and he said we should keep it _casual_ and because the stupid crush I had on him blinded me I greed. It went on for a while but as soon as I mentioned wanting something more serious with him he ran for the hills at the speed of light. Those were the only two guys I had ever shown any interest in and they both ended up hurting me.

I shook my head at him with a sad look on my face.

"How about you?" I asked, the thoughts from earlier coming back

He cleared his throat awkwardly as she scratched his neck. "I ….. Um… we should get back to Shakespeare"

"Yeah whatever"

After re-reading some of the most important acts of the play and having more discussions with our opposite personalities, Eli and I finished the assignment. While we were working it got really quiet and Eli seemed absorbed in his thoughts as if he were having a metal debate with himself. I felt bad because I had a feeling it had to do with my love question, I wanted to ask him if I had said anything wrong but I assumed it would be better if I didn't bring it up again.

We were cleaning up outside and I noticed that he kept checking his phone.

"Is everything alright?" I asked

He lifted his head and asked what I just said.

"You keep looking at your phone as if it contained the world's biggest secret"

"Oh... Sorry… It's my dad he's…." he looked at me and shook his head "you know what never mind"

"No, Eli I want to know. I know he woke up a couple days ago. How is he?"

"Good. Really good actually he's getting discharged today I'm just waiting for him to call me so I pick him up" he said with a smile. I could tell he was genuinely happy because his smile was shinier than the sun, part of me felt really happy for him, but the other part was full of jealousy. It wasn't fair that he got to see his dad, the man that could be responsible for the death of my family while I had nothing. Pretty much my entire family was gone. I _really _hated myself for thinking like that and as much as I tried to get those horrible thoughts out of my mind I couldn't.

His phone rand and his face lit up like a kid with a cookie.

"_Hi dad"_

"_Yeah "_

"_Yeah"_

"_So everything's done? Are you done with the paper work?"_

"_Ok I'll be there as soon as I can. It's finally time for you to come home"_

He hung up and started smiling again. I really liked seeing him this, he deserved it. He tightened the grip of his phone as he closed his eyes and slowly whispered _thank you_. I knew Eli was an Atheist and him looking whispering words and looking at the sky really confused me, but I guess everyone believes in faith when it seems like everything is lost. On my case it was the other way around, after the accident I believed in God less and less every day and that scared me because my family would frown upon me losing the only thing they left me, _my faith_.

He quickly gathered his stuff and practically threw them into his backpack trying to get out of here as soon as possible. He was almost out the door when he stopped to look at me.

"I don't know" he said. I furrowed my eyebrows and a small sigh feel from his lips. "You asked me earlier if I had ever been in love the answer is 'I don't know'"

"I think we both what the real answer is" I said.

It became clear to me while we were working that he didn't love Julia, I'm sure he cared about her and as his boyfriend he wanted to make her happy but he wasn't in love with her. By the way Eli talked about love it seemed to be such a precious thing for him – I don't know how considering he's never been in love before- and if he were he would know. He wouldn't have a doubt on that mind of his that he did not love that person, and he wasn't in love with Julia and by the way she treated him I doubt he would ever be. I don't know what but something about that made me really happy.

His eyes never left mine as he softly said "Goodnight Clare"

He walked out of my house and I stood there looking at the door for almost a minute before whispering "Goodnight Eli"

(XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XX)

**Hi Guys!**

**Well thank you so much for your patience with this story, I'm sorry it took me two weeks to update but Degrassi has really been messing with my mind. Every time I tried to sit down and write all I kept thinking about was Cam :/ I'm really sad we had to loose such an amazing character and an actor as fantastic as Dylan. But I felt like it was right for Degrassi to talk about that issue. **

**Also Ray of Light is really freaking me out. I don't know I just feel like I'm going to cry when part 2 comes out. Ahhh where's Adam to tell Eli to calm the fuck down? **

**Also I had a talk with one of my writing friends and we already have everything planned for this story and that means It's going to give me time to update sooner :D **

**(IRRELEVANT NOTE) if you follow my other fic called "Everything Changes" I'm sorry to inform you that it's on a temporary hiatus **** the friend that was helping write it is going away for a while and I won't be able to write it. But don't worry it's just for a little while on the bright side that means I get to update this story at least once a week **


	6. who you are

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi because if I did Cam would still be alive and Eclare would be Endgame**

_Isn't anyone tryin' to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?_

_It's a damn cold night. I'm tryin' to figure out this life_

_Won't you take me by the hand? Take me somewhere new_

_I don't know who you are but I'm, I'm with you_

I'm with you , Avril Lavigne

"Times like this make me wish I had someone to talk to about how I really feel. Things have been a bit complicated lately and I wish I had a person to share it with. Don't get me wrong Alli is still my best friend- at least that hasn't changed- but I'm not the same person I was two months ago and we've been growing apart, mostly because I refuse to let her in. I just wish I had someone that would tell me what to do, that would show me what the world had to offer, someone like you" I said as I placed a white rose on a tomb stone that read _Darcy Edwards _"you know I never thought I would need you so much, I mean after we fought almost every day for stupid things that I can't even remember, I never thought about how much I would need my big sister to guide me. I guess I took you for granted and I'm sorry, I know it's too late to apologize, given our little _situation_ but that's just something I wanted you to know" I took a deep breath as I took in the scenery around me, it was a beautiful day and contraire to the cold Toronto winter that invades the streets during this time of the year ,today was rather warm and homey, it felt like one of those days that were perfect for staying in bed and drinking hot chocolate until your stomach hurts.

"It's been pretty lonely here, the house isn't always blasting to the newest pop songs that you love, there's no more arguing at the dinner table over who gets the last slice of pizza, and there's no one to fight with over the right swing" I continued "oh and I'm sure you would love to know that I've been spending a lot of time with Eli Goldsworthy, you know he's not the person I thought he was, I mean he _is_ a witty-sarcastic-smartass, but he's also funny sweet and smart. Yeah I know what you're thinking '_Clare no, you don't want to go down this road with him'_ but trust me I'm not going to, I just wanted to let you know that in this cold lonely world he's one of the few people I have. I guess you could say we're friends, even though at school we only share some awkward 'hellos' when we're alone I feel like I can talk to him, like he sees me as a normal person not just 'that poor girl with the dead family' and it's nice for a change" I checked the time on my phone and frowned when I noticed how late it was "Well Darce I have to go because if I don't make it home before my curfew Aunt Elena is going to freak. Love you"

I placed more roses on my parent's grave and walked away from the cemetery. Yeah I've turned into one of those creepy girls that always hang around places like this. Truth is I haven't left the house much, and every time I do is to come here. I never 'talk' to them because I'm afraid people might think I'm crazy but today was a special day. It has been exactly two months since the accident and I felt like it was time to inform my family how my life was since they've been gone. I didn't mind the few pity stares people gave me as they walked by because all I wanted was to talk to my sister. As soon as I walked out I saw a hearse parked in front of me

"Little Edwards, didn't expect you to be in a place like this so late" Eli said as he walked out of his car.

"I could say the same for you"

"Really? Because I know about the rumors, people say I'm obsessed with death. And what is it that they call me? Uhh yeah Dr. Doom"

"Well you _do _drive a hearse"

"Hey! Don't talk like that in front of Morty, he's sensitive. Anyways need a ride home?"

I nodded and got in the car. We've been driving for about fifteen minutes and none of us have said a word. It almost felt awkward but we both knew why we weren't talking. Talking about our families was something that we didn't do, that's why I liked hanging out with him in the first place. I knew that the most important thing in Eli's life was his family, and after losing his mother I could tell he was somewhat _empty,_ he would never admit it and if you asked him he would say that he was doing alright but there was no way he could fool me with those words. He said a couple times in the past that his dad was doing really well and if I ever wanted to see him it would make him really happy. The reason why I haven't done it it's because of the conversation I heard two months back, how people said that Bullfrog could be responsible for the accident due to driving under the influence, as much as I wanted to shake those thoughts out of my mind I couldn't, and that meant I would have to make up more excuses every time Eli asked me if I want to see his dad.

"So how you holding up?" he asked

"Excuse me?"

"Well today is … you know… are you ok?"

"I'm fine. You?"

He tighten his grip on the steering wheel as he let out a frustrated sigh "I'm fine, it's my dad I'm worried about"

"Oh, well I hope he's okay"

"Me too"

That conversation played in my head over and over again until we finally got to my house. It hurt to hear that Bullfrog was going through a tough time because no matter what the circumstances are right now, he has always been there for me. Our families have always been close and whenever my parents weren't around Bullfrog and CeeCee were always there for me and my sister. CeeCee had always been the "cool aunt" telling me how I should dress a little more revealing and get out of my shell, Bullfrog on the other hand had been the "cool uncle" always trying to make me listen to music from bands I have never heard of. In a weird way they were kind of my family, and after my real family was gone he was all I got.

"Do you mind if I go to your house for a while? I want to say hi to your dad" I said

He looked at me in surprised but it didn't take too long before he flashed me a huge smile. We got out of the car and walked towards his house. I didn't realize my hands were sweating so much, my throat was becoming incredibly dry and every step I took towards that house made my legs move slower. I haven't been in there since the last time I saw my family alive, being near this house brought some horrible memories back to me, I could just imagine how hard it is for Eli and his dad. He reached into his pockets to get the key and slowly unlocked the door. When I walked in the first thing I saw was Bullfrog sitting in front of the T.V watching a music documentary of some sort, he was looking right at the screen but it looked like his mind was somewhere else, he hadn't even noticed Eli and I walking inside. Eli called him and he turned around acknowledging our existence.

"Clarabelle" he said with a sad smile "what brings you here today?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing"

"That's very kind of you thank you, as you can see I'm doing fine" he said as he pointed at a bandages on his leg. "Eli do you mind giving us some alone time?"

Eli nodded and made his way to his room. I wasn't sure why he wanted to talk to me in private but I didn't protest, it's not like I was left alone with some stranger he was a really good family friend.

"Here" he said handing me a glass of water, I thanked him and he smiled at me again. "How you been doing?"

"I'm fine, well as fine as I can be, it's hard there's no doubt about that, but I'm okay"

"I'm not surprised, you've always been a strong girl" he took a deep breath "You know I never thought I would hear from you again"

"Why is that?"

"I'm not stupid Clare, I know what everyone's saying about me, blaming me for the accident and such. I sometimes blame myself too"

"I don't blame you" I lied

His voice was so vulnerable and I could see tears forming on his blue eyes. "It all happened so fast, I was driving then-"

"Please stop" I mumbled

"It just happened, one minute we were on the road the next the van flipped over, then everyone started screaming. I don't know what happened I –"

"I said stop!" I yelled squeezing the glass on my hand so hard that it broke, I could see the blood that was running from my hand to the floor. I looked over at Bullfrog and he looked absolutely miserable.

"Sorry" I whispered as I wrapped my hand with a napkin that was on the table, I left the house without saying another word.

When I got to my house I read a note from my aunt telling me she was working late tonight, I stormed upstairs to my room. I slammed the door and slid against it, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I started crying. I don't remember the last time I cried this much, I looked up and saw a picture of my family on the stand. I wrapped my hand around a cloth and went to bed hugging the picture, hoping that when I woke up everything would be back to normal.

(XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX)

"So what do you say? Are you in?" Alli asked.

Alli's senior boyfriend Mike Dallas had invited us to what she called "the biggest party of the year" tonight. This morning she came up to me and told me that she missed me since we haven't been hanging out much, she practically begged me to go to the party with her but I still wasn't sure because I'm the party type of person.

"I don't know Alli"

"Come on! You need to get out more, start living. You've been cooped up in your house for too long, you deserve to have some fun" she whined "look we'll go and if you don't feel like being there we'll leave"

"You're not going to stop until I say yes aren't you?"

"Yuup"

"Fine, I'll go"

She squealed in excitement as she dragged out of school and to my house so we could get ready together. She picked out my pretty purple dress, with some black mini boots and a black jacket, she wore a plain black skirt with a lacy silver tank top. She seemed really excited for tonight applying tons of make-up and fixing her hair as if she were about to enter a beauty pageant. Once we were all dolled-up we left in Alli's red truck. We arrived to the Torre's residency which was the place where the party took place, as we walked in and all eyes were on us, Alli's boyfriend came up to us and showed us around and not even after 10 minutes of being here he managed to steal Alli away.

Pretty much everyone I knew was here, the Torres brothers, Jenna, KC, Dave, and even Connor.

"Hey, didn't expect to see you here" Jenna said

"Yeah well Ali dragged me here only to ditch me 5 minutes later"

"Oh my God Clare, what happened to your hand?"

I'm pretty sure that was the worst thing to ever come out of her mouth. I started remembering how I hurt my hand, how Bullfrog kept talking about the accident and in a split second all my nightmares came back, except that I wasn't even asleep. I felt agitated, panicky, and shaky; it was as if I was suddenly transferred to another reality. My hands became sweaty and I lost the ability to speak.

"N-nothing" I mumbled as I walked away.

I rushed through the dance floor trying to avoid eye contact with everyone, I just wanted to get out of there. I went outside to the patio and saw Eli and Julia making out. I don't know why but seeing that felt like a punch to the face, and If I wasn't crying before I'm pretty sure I would be doing it any minute now. I didn't even understand why I was so mad, I mean they _were_ dating and have been for over a year now but something inside of me started killing me as I watched her swallow Eli in the middle of the backyard. I wanted to look away but I couldn't, I wanted to yell but I didn't.

I felt a hand being place on my shoulder and when I turned around I saw the one and only Jake Martin.

"You look like you could use some alcohol" he said

I've only been drunk once; Alli, Jenna, and I had found a tequila bottle at the Bhandari's house so our fifteen year old selves decided to give it a try. I remember hating the way the tequila burned your throat when you swallowed it. But right now alcohol sounded like the only option I had.

"Okay" I said simply

I drank 1, 2, or maybe 5 of the cliché red cups Jake was giving me and everything seemed to away for a moment, the only thing I could think about was how good it felt grinding on to Jake, the music was blasting in my ears, Jake was grabbing my ass with one hand and pulling closer to him by my waist with the other. My curls were a mess and I was sweating as if I just ran a marathon. Everything around me was spinning but I felt happy, it wasn't _real_ happiness but it was the most happiness I've felt in a long time. Jake and I kept dirty dancing, he grabbed my waist from the back as I reached for his neck with my right hand.

"You know I miss all the fun times we had" he whispered in my ear

I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck classing my lips with his. It didn't take long for his tongue to find the inside of my mouth, he tasted like alcohol and weed. He roughly grabbed my ass and soon enough his hands were all over me. Clare Edwards would never let any man take advantage of her like this, she wouldn't let any one touch her like that in a public place especially if they didn't have a relationship, but Clare Edwards is long gone by now.

"What the fuck?" I heard a familiar male voice.

"Hey Eli" Jake said with a smug smirk.

"What are you two doing?"

"Having fun" I said still holding on to Jake

"Dude she's wasted"

"She likes it"

"Come on Clare, I'm taking you home" he said as he grabbed my wrist and pulled out of Jakes grip. I jerked my hand away from him "Leave me alone Eli. Why don't you go make out with your whorish girlfriend" I snapped.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes and grabbed my wrist again "I'm taking you home whether you want it or not"

He dragged me out of the party not caring about all the people we bumped into on the way. We were inside the car and he started the ignition. I glanced at him for a brief second and I could tell that he was pissed. My alcohol fogged brain couldn't understand what got him so pissed off. We drove for about 5 minutes until he hit a red light.

"Why were you acting like that?" he asked in a judgy tone

"I wasn't doing anything wrong" I argued

He scoffed "Oh yeah!? You and Martin were practically fucking with your clothes on!" he eyed me from head to toe and continued "You're fucking wasted Clare and I want to know why because this isn't you"

"How do you know? You don't me Eli!" I yelled

"I disagree"

"You know what!? Instead of being on my case, you should get _your _life together. Go fuck your pretty little girlfriend and leave me alone"

"What does Julia have to do with anything?"

"Gosh you're so stupid. She's cheating on you! She screws everything that's on her way, she treats you like crap and your still with her, maybe she's a good shack I don't know, but don't try to lecture me about who I am when you clearly have no idea what you're doing with your life"

He didn't say anything after that, he just drove the car in the opposite direction from our houses and parked on an abandoned street.

"Why are-"

"You're going to tell me what's going on right now. I _know_ you better than you think Clare and I know that the girl at the party isn't you"

"I don't know who I am anymore!" I cried "I keep waiting for everything to be over, for things to get back to normal but they just won't. People always expect me to have it all together and I just don't. I feel lonely and sad all the time, I just… I just… I don't know who I am anymore" I buried my face in my hands letting my emotions get the best of me. Eli scooted closer to me removing my hands from my face his green eyes completely focused on my blue ones.

"I know who you are. You're Clare Edwards, you're the awesome girl that loves to read Palahniuk, one of the smartest people at Degrassi –because look at you you're in and advanced grade 12 English- you're the girl that always has a sassy response to all my witty sarcastic comments and most importantly you're the kindest most passionate person I've ever meet, when you set your mind on something you give it everything you got. Can you be a little annoying? Yes. But it doesn't matter because you're one of the best people to hang out with" he said.

He opened his arms and I immediately gave in. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and I silently cried on his chest. He didn't care I was probably getting snot on his favorite leather jacket he just hugged me tighter. I never thought Eli Goldsworthy could say such kind words about anyone, I never thought I would be totally drunk crying on Eli's Goldsworthy's arms. This may be the alcohol talking but right now with him, I feel safe, and after this I feel like Eli is always going to protect me, I know it's stupid but that's what I want to believe tonight.

"I lost everything I love, I have no one" I whispered into his chest.

"That's not true, you have your aunt, Alli, and me. I'm not going anywhere" he promised

For some reason I believed him.

**Okay I honestly don't know if anyone is reading this story. If you want me to continue Review and let me now if you want me to continue.**

**Now I wrote this chapter after Ray of Light par 2 because I was crying so hard and I needed a distraction so sorry if this chapter sucked.**

**I would make a Degrassi rant but the only thing I have to say is that I will go down with this ship. If you want to know my honest opinion about Eclare and ROL feel free to check out my tumblr.**

**Now let's just pray for Eclare to make it through.**


	7. This Is War

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi**

It's been a couple of weeks since the incident at the party and things between Eli and I have been great, I'm happy to say that after all the years of ignoring each other I can finally call him a _friend_, and one of the best ones I have at the moment. I've been trying to get my life together, working hard in all of my classes, trying to fix things with Alli, and getting out more. I've been spending most of my time with Adam and Eli, going out on urban adventures or sometimes we'd just go to Adam's house and I'd watch the boys play videogames. For the first time since my life fell apart I feel like it's not going to be dark forever that maybe things will get brighter for me. It's nice to not feel sad and lonely all the time. After feeling like I had no one for a long time, now I know that I have a great support system around me.

I have; my aunt Elena, Alli, Adam, and _Eli_.

I'm really grateful to have them and I have no idea where I would be without them.

It was Monday morning and as I was getting my things ready for school, my aunt came into my room telling me that her shift was starting an hour earlier and that she couldn't drive me to school. She was really sad about when I really didn't care. I liked walking it gave me time to think and analyze stuff.

"I'm really sorry sweetie, Marissa's son got sick and she's not making it to work" she said as she packed a lot of papers into her suitcase

"It's fine, really" I said

"Can't you tell Eli to give you a ride? I really don't want you walking alone in the morning"

"No, its fine I can walk"

"Please Clare, it would make me feel a lot better"

I sighed in defeat and quickly pulled out my phone ready to send Eli a quick text message

_Hey, feel like being a bus driver today?_

_I need a ride to school. Please_

_-Clare_

"So what's the deal with you two?" she asked

"Huh"

"You and Eli have been spending a lot of time together, I'm not completely clueless Clare I see all those flirty conversations you have every time he comes over" she said with a playful smile as if she were a teenager and we were having a sleep-over, talking about boys we want to kiss on the lips.

"We're just friends"

"Uh Hu" she mumbled as she shook her head in disbelief "You know he's a good looking guy, he's got green eyes and the whole '_bad boy with leather jacket'_ thing going on, plus-"

"Plus he has a girlfriend" I said cutting her off. She gave me a sad smile and sighed.

"But you like him don't you?"

Of course not, I do not have feeling towards Eli Goldsworthy. Or do I? Because If I didn't I wouldn't have such a hard time answering her question. Eli _is_ the reason why I'm doing better right now, he told me to patch things up with Alli and he's the one dragging me out of the house telling me I should "got out and get a life", honestly if Eli hadn't taken me home after that party I don't how I would be doing right now. I wanted to tell my aunt that I did not had feelings towards Eli other than just friendship wise, but somehow it sounded like a lie. It was completely silent after that, she kept staring at me as if she wanted to break me and get the answer she was looking for, but just as I was about to let her win my phone rang.

_Sure Edwards_

_One condition though, no more Call Me Maybe while we're in my car_

_-Eli_

I couldn't help but laugh at the last comment. I still remember the day Eli, Adam and I went to the movies together, hard core rock music was blasting through the car speaker the entire ride there. When everything was over and we were about to go home as a punishment I made them listen to the local pop station. The kept groaning in Agony during the 15 minute ride back.

_Alright, I'll be out in a few minutes_

_-Clare_

"Well, I have to go to work but this isn't over" she said as she kissed the top of my head.

I smiled at her as she said her goodbyes and left the house. I got everything I needed for school and I looked at myself in the mirror before heading out as well. As soon as I stepped out of my house I was greeted by green eyes, Eli stood in front of his hearse with his well-known smirk, I couldn't help the shy smile that spread across my face, every time I saw Eli happy it made _me _happy.

The ride to school was nothing out of the ordinary, I've come to know that Eli is probably –if not- the funniest person I've ever met. He's one of those people that can make the most boring moment fun. We laughed the entire ride to the school and it seemed like today was going to be a really good day. I was wrong.

As soon as we arrived to the school I saw Julia waiting for Eli at the spot where he normally parks his car, Eli parked his beloved Morty and before he could even get out Julia approached the open window and clashed her lips into his. Eli was taken aback back her sudden actions but responded to the kiss anyway. They kissed for about a minute and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to roll the window up so I could off her pretty little head. I hated Julia, I hated the way she treated everyone, I hated the way she treated Eli and most of all I hated the Fact that Eli was still with her after all the crap she's put him through. Soon enough leaned back and placed her forearms of the cars window frame. She took a glance at me and rolled her eyes as if I was some nasty bug that needed to be killed. It seemed like Eli wanted to leave but Julia wouldn't let him. When I got tired of it I unbuckled my belt and told him I was leaving.

"No, Clare wait" he called

"No Eli, let her leave" Julia said and Eli glared at her.

I rolled my eyes at her in annoyance as I opened the door trying to get out of this hell.

"See you in English?" he asked in a soft apologetic tone.

"Yeah sure" I smiled

I walked away and when I almost got to the steps of the school an annoying voice made my head turn around.

"Bye Clara" Julia shriek with a mocking wave.

I was enraged and I turned back around just wanting to get inside "its Clare, _bitch" _I mumbled.

…

History has never been so boring, normally I would enjoy learning new things about the people that lived before me but today, it just felt boring ad useless. What happened in the morning really messed up my mood and as much as I wanted to forget about it, I couldn't get the image of Julia practically swallowing Eli out of my mind. The teacher kept talking about the Mayan's and human sacrifice, oh that sounded really appealing right now. In the middle of my teachers really boring lecture I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

_Hey Sorry about this morning :/_

_I'll talk to Julia about it._

_-Eli _

Of course, it was just like Eli to clean up after her girlfriends mess.

_Hey it's fine I don't mind_

_-Clare_

It surprised me how fast he replied

_But I do mind,_

_You're my friend and I don't want anyone treating my friends like shit_

_Not even my girlfriend_

_-Eli_

I cringed at the word _girlfriend _but I was also really happy that Eli wanted to stand up for me. The Eli I knew a couple months ago would not care about how Julia treats me, the old Eli would never pick up a fight with his girlfriend to protect little old Clare, this was a whole new side of him and I was really glad that I got to see it. Over the past few months Eli showed me that he's not who I thought he was at all. When he cares about something or someone he will do the impossible to make sure it's safe. He's protective, caring, funny, and a lot of other things I would have never expected.

Two more classes went by and I was standing at my locker getting ready to go to English. So far my day had been average but it soon went downhill when I saw Julia leaning against my locker.

"Whatever you're doing stop it" she spat

"Excuse me?"

"Oh don't try to act innocent with me. Stay the hell away from my boyfriend!"

Was she serious? This is Julia we are talking about, the girl that cheats on Eli every chance she gets, the girl that didn't even bothered showing to his mother's funeral was telling _me _ to stay away from him.

"Sorry but I'm not going to listen to you. You don't scare me Julia and I'm not going to do a single thing you say"

I could see her getting angrier by the second.

"If you're expecting Eli to leave me for you, you're clearly don't know him at all. He doesn't care about you Clare and he never will"

"See, now you're the one that doesn't know him he-"

"Oh please" she said cutting me off "Eli doesn't care about anyone. Not me, and definitely not you. Just because mommy and daddy are dead doesn't mean Eli is going to feel sorry for you and run into your arms"

That comment felt like a bullet to my heart. In a matter of seconds my palm came in contact with her face. I slapped her so hard I could feel my hand getting tingly, Julia looked directly at me and I could he see outline of my palm on her cheek. She was ready to charge at me and give what I thought would be the ass kicking of my life time, one of her friends pulled her back telling her that there was a teacher watching us. Julia rubbed her cheek furiously and looked at me and if looks could kill I would be bleeding out in the middle of the hallway right now.

"You're going to pay for this" She roared as she started storming off

Before she could reach the end of the hallway she looked back at me and yelled "This isn't over"

I knew it wasn't over

It was far beyond over.

Julia had started something and it wasn't just about Eli.

This wasn't over

This was war.

**A/N: First of all I want to thank you all for your wonderful Reviews on the last chapter. I'm sorry if the relationship seems to be a bit rushed. I'm trying to make this story 12-13 chapters max. I have the whole thing planned out and let's just say that in the next couple chapter things are going to get intense so prepare yourselves.**

**Remember if you to see how things turn out for our beautiful Eclare don't forget to Review **


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